


Your X is equal to my Y

by pixiestyxs



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Texting, corny pick up lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2012-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-09 03:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/450717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiestyxs/pseuds/pixiestyxs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is bored at school, and a bored Stiles is never a good thing. Especially when it involves bugging Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your X is equal to my Y

Stiles was bored - like supremely bored with a capital B. His English class was in the middle of “constructive reading time” – which mainly consisted of everyone doing their own thing and his teacher sitting at her computer and surfing the internet - and he just couldn’t seem to concentrate on the words on the page before him. It was like they were all blinding together into one giant blob, but that might have been because he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes open, and so he kept squinting.

He wondered what he could do to entertain himself. He certainly didn’t want to actually keep trying to do the assignment and there were still fifteen minutes to go before the bell rang to release him from his misery. His phone vibrated in his pocket; he pulled it out surreptitiously and glanced at the screen. It was a text from Scott.

_Need u to tell Allison that I <3 her_

Stiles rolled his eyes. Scott and Allison definitely needed a better way to communicate besides going through him. He thumbed through his contacts, debating on whether or not to actually text Allison Scott’s message. She’d told him that her parents were monitoring her phone, so it might be a little weird if they saw that Stiles was all of a sudden telling their daughter that he loved her.

His mindless scrolling stopped on Derek’s number. He wondered what Derek was doing right then. He knew Derek’s new pack members were at school; well at least Boyd was because Stiles had seen him in Algebra first thing that morning.

Stiles smiled slyly to himself; he’d come up with a way to stave off boredom that was for sure. He knew Derek didn’t have his new number; unfortunately there had been some kind of mix up at the wireless phone store and they hadn’t been able to give him his same phone number when he’d replaced the phone that died at the bottom of the school pool. He didn’t know what was up with that since the guy that had helped him had gotten his contacts for him just fine, but whatever, it all worked for Stiles because that meant he could text Derek without him knowing who it was.

_I thought u should no that ur hotter than the bottom of my laptop ;)_

Stiles nodded to himself and sent his text to Derek just as the bell rang. This was going to be so much fun.

~

Derek’s reply came as Stiles was sitting down in his next class.

_Who is this?_

Stiles muffled his laughter; so he’d been right after all and Derek didn’t know it was him. He didn’t bother to respond to Derek but spent the majority of the rest of the class period thinking up new things he could text Derek.

All through class Stiles kept getting texts from Derek repeatedly asking who he was and how he got his number; it just made him laugh that much harder.

At lunch, Stiles sent Derek one of the corniest pickup lines he found on Google.

_u must be tired cause u been running thru my mind alllll night_

He got a response back almost right away. Was Derek by his phone impatiently waiting for Stiles, no wait, the mystery texter to text him? Stiles couldn’t believe it. Scott sat down next to him and started to blather on about Allison’s hair before he could look at Derek’s response.

“So did you tell her?”

“Tell who what?” Stiles answered, taking a bite of his sandwich.

Scott just stared at him incredulously. “Allison, dude, and that I love her!”

“Oh sorry man,” Stiles shook his head. “Something came up and I forgot. Plus don’t you think that’s weird? Me telling Allison I love her I mean? What if someone overheard me?”

Scott just scowled and punched him in the arm. “Whatever man.”

Stiles rubbed his now aching arm and finally pulled up Derek’s text.

_I don’t know who you are or how you got this number, but stop texting me._

Stiles had to laugh. Derek used proper grammar and punctuation in his texts? What a nerd.

_can I have ur phone #? I seem to have lost mine_

“Dude, who are you texting?” Scott asked trying to see the phone screen.

Stiles pulled it close to his chest and shook his head. “No one. It’s no one.”

Scott just looked at him like he was losing his mind.

The phone buzzed, signaling a response.

_Then how are you texting me? And no._

The bell rang; Stiles threw away his trash, and walked to Chemistry with Scott. Chemistry used to be an ok class for him. Back before Mr. Harris got a major hate boner for him due to something his dad had done, and really it couldn’t have been that bad. His dad was majorly cool and chill…most of the time. Maybe not that time he and Scott blew Mrs. Sullivan’s flower beds up, but hey they’d been like ten at the time and had just discovered the wonders of cherry bombs.

Putting his head down and pulling out his phone sneakily, or as sneakily as he could being Stiles, he shot of another text to Derek. It was time to turn it up a notch.

_if i could rearrange the alphabet, id put u and I 2gether_

He wondered what Derek would say to that. Stiles took down a few notes from the board distractedly. So he’d been questioning his sexuality a bit lately. Sue him. Who wouldn’t with all of the hot guys running around with no shirts on, and ridiculous abs, and perfect pecs…? Stiles shook his head to clear his mind of the glorious image of Derek when he’d been trying on his clothes. He didn’t care that they’d been too small for Derek. They had outlined his chest and abs very nicely.

Danny had informed him that if he kept asking him if gay guys found Stiles attractive then that indicated that he probably wanted them to, which meant he was probably interested in guys. A not so quick make out session later and Stiles was firmly in the “yeah I like to kiss guys just as much as girls” camp. It helped that Danny was hot, even if he told Stiles that he wasn’t at all sexually attracted to him. That had been a bummer.

His phone buzzed in his lap.

_> :[_

Aww, now Derek was using emoticons. That was too cute. And the one he’d chosen looked just like him when he was scowling and growly with Stiles.

_:*_

Stiles went back to trying to focus on what Mr. Harris was talking about. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, he continued to text Derek.

_was ur father an alien cause theres nothing else like u on earth!_

_hey im not feeling myself today can i feel u?_

_baby ur so hot u make the equator look like the north pole_

_is ur name summer, cause u r hot as hell_

That text had gotten a particularly funny reaction from Derek.

_Wait, you don’t know my name? Then why do you keep bothering me? >:[_

Stiles practically stuffed his hand into his mouth to stifle his laughter.

“Dude, what’s so funny?” Scott whispered, leaning over in his seat.

Stiles just shook his head. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“You’re acting weirder than usual and I don’t like it dude.” Scott announced, and then sat back in his chair properly.

Stiles ignored him and concentrated on picking out just the right pickup line to text Derek.

~

Stiles and Scott rushed out of school when the last bell rang.

“Man, I’m so thankful school is over. It’s just been one of those days. I couldn’t concentrate worth anything.”  

Scott just side-eyed Stiles and headed in the direction of Stiles’ jeep.

“Stiles.”

Both boys stopped in their tracks and turned in sync. How they’d missed Derek leaning against his Camaro right in front of the door they’d just come out of neither one of them knew.

“Come with me. There’s something we need to discuss.” Derek said, opening his passenger side door.

“But my car is…” Stiles tried to argue, but was cut off by Derek.

“In. The. Car. Now.” Derek growled, gesturing to the open door, staring Stiles down. “Scott make sure Stiles’ jeep gets home, but not for the next few hours.”

Stiles exchanged a quick look with Scott, and before Scott even had a chance to protest, Stiles was sliding into the Camaro. Derek smirked at Scott, closed the door, and got into his car – peeling out of the school parking lot like the Sheriff was hot on his tail.

Scott just shook his head and made his way to Stiles’ jeep before realizing one very important thing.

“Damn it! Stiles has the keys!”

~

Stiles glanced at Derek as he drove. Based off the path they were taking, Derek was taking them to Stiles’ house. And yeah, Stiles’ dad was at work, but that meant that there wouldn’t be anyone there to prevent Derek from killing him.

“So, buddy, pal, magnificent Alpha, what’d you want to talk about?”

Derek just grunted.

Stiles frowned. He really did not like being ignored. That was basically the kiss of death to his control over his mouth.

He opened his mouth to try to get Derek to tell him what was going on, but Derek held up his hand before he could even utter one sound.

“No talking. We’re almost there.”

His mouth shut with an audible click of his teeth and he crossed his arms, glaring out the window.

They pulled up to his house not too much later and Derek basically hauled Stiles out of the car and up to the front door. Fumbling with his keys, Stiles let out a small giggle as it hit him that Scott probably had to walk home unless he could find someone to give him a ride.

As soon as he got the door open, Derek pulled him through it and stalked into the living room.

“Explain this.” He said pulling out his phone. It was shoved into Stiles face and Stiles pulled it away, dreading what he knew was there.

_lets go back to my place and do some math: add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide ur legs, and multiply_

“Um…I don’t know what this is? I’ve never seen this before.”

Derek just stared at him, rolled his eyes, and then tapped the part of the screen that currently read _Idiot Stiles_.

“Wait, why am I in your phone as Idiot Stiles?” Stiles frowned at the phone. That wasn’t very nice of Derek to put his number in his phone as that ridicul… Stiles’ head whipped up. “Wait when did you get my new number?”

“It’s in there like that because you’re an idiot, Stiles. And Scott gave me your number earlier when he called to ask if possession was a real thing, because you’ve been acting kind of weird all day, and he thought you were possessed.” Derek explained, shoving lightly at Stiles to get him to set down on the couch. “When he said you were being secretive about your phone and texting someone, I put two and two together. And what do you know; when I put your number in, it matched the number that had been sending me increasingly naughty, and very corny, texts.”

Stiles just stared as Derek straddled his knees, put his arms on either side of his head, and leaned to whisper in his ear. “You shouldn’t tease a werewolf Stiles.”

“T-tease?” he mumbled. He was kind of terrified by what was going on, but judging by the fact that he was starting to get hard, he figured fear was a kink for him.

Derek nipped at Stiles ear, causing the younger man to jump. “Mmmhmm. Tease Stiles. Because if you don’t follow through,” Derek answered, his voice now deeper and husky, “then I’ll be very upset and I’ll have to punish you.”

Stiles swallowed loudly, turned to look Derek in the face, and whispered, “Punish?”

Derek nodded and kissed Stiles. Stiles moaned into it, wondering to himself if Derek hadn’t just gone ahead and killed him when they’d gotten into the house and this was Heaven, and if it was Heaven, what had he done in his life to have such a kickass Heaven.

Derek bit at Stiles’ bottom lip and then pulled back. “I think we should head up to your room. We have some math to work on, and the couch doesn’t factor into the equation.”

Stiles just looked at Derek with his eyes wide, pupils blown wide. Without missing a beat, he practically shoved Derek off of him; Derek’s werewolf reflexes the only thing keeping his ass from the floor. Stiles ran to the stairs, turned back to Derek, “well are you coming?” and then ran up the stairs towards his room.

Derek chuckled to himself. “Not yet.” He said to the now empty room and then took off to the upstairs after his prey.

 

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from the song Mathematics by Little Boots which I felt fit with this really well. Especially with that last text.


End file.
